It is all well & good to have faith when the sun shines. It's effortless to believe in God's promises when Life is your friend. But at some point - there will be darkness, we know not when or how. But when it does arrive, for it always arrives, that is where faith is truly stretched & tested. It will be an inaudible whisper, tugging at the back of your mind... "Did God reallllly say...." The first lie, the oldest lie, uttered in staggering confidence by the original gaslighter. That kind of Darkness loves nothing more than the company of your mind. Your doubts are sweeter than any flower's nectar, fueling his very life force. I am here to remind you, and also me, yes, He really did say. And so, when the voice comes - an enchanting whisper in the Darkness, Steady your shaky hands, strengthen your resolve. Then answer with a bold & self-assured voice: "It may be Dark right now, but Light is coming. It is all well & good." And it is.
Category Archives: Poetry
Sunrise/Sunset
If a sunrise is a whisper, a gentle promise of the day that will be - Then sunsets are a Jubilation! of the promise that was kept. Each morning, the inky darkness is slowly invaded by pale yellow and pink and just a hint of orange. They appear together, breathless and ready to relieve the darkness. A fresh, clean slate firmly in hand. If you look close enough, you can just make out the writing on the edge of the slate: "Today can be whatever you decide it will be." And then we go on, living our lives, making choices - some good, some bad, but none insignificant. Because at the end of the day, the bold streaks of orange and red, and magenta burst across the horizon, shouting in nature's language, "We have done it!" Another day is complete. And then, the darkness arrives, and the Sunset prepares, by handing the slate over to be cleaned once again. Sunrises promise to appear, and Sunsets promise to celebrate - it is up to us what we do with the in-between.
Writer’s Block
Writer's Block feels like standing in the middle of a wood, where a thousand paths diverge all around. You can't see past the initial idea, and if you choose one, you may turn yourself around, and end up down another - the beginning & the end making a strange chimera of ideas. I suppose the point is, I have much to say, but not the words to complete them. Maybe another day. The important thing is that I showed up to the woods today, and entered in.
“Eh!”
I have a cat, he's a very sweet cat Henry is his name. He never causes trouble, he never even meows. Just a teeny, tiny "Eh!" is all he ever says. That is, unless he's on his way to the vet, and then the yowling comes deep from his soul, and cuts through my heart. But, this is not about his yowl, this is about his teeny, tiny "Eh!" When caught in an everyday moment of distress. I have another cat, he's a very...different cat Rooney is his name. He was found outdoors, malnourished and alone. We took him in but, he's not used to cats. He doesn't know how to BE a cat. He's learning to play, and even to cuddle, but he just doesn't GET that other cats are his friends. Especially Henry. Henry loves everyone. But Rooney does not love everyone. Nearly every day, Rooney chases Henry, and not in the fun way, and then Rooney gets in trouble. I say his name, and he looks sheepish, "I've done it again." This last time, I was fixing dinner, and I heard that teeny, tiny, "Eh!" and I spun around. Rooney was ready to pounce. I said his name (with LOTS of authority) and he ran off. Henry looked at me, grateful. Then I realized, Henry hadn't shouted, he hadn't yowled, or panicked, he just quietly said, "Eh!" and trusted that I would hear him, and fix the problem. And I did. And then I realized - This applies to me, too. It doesn't take shouting, it doesn't take panic, It just takes trusting that the One who can solve my problems is always, ALWAYS, listening. May we all have the faith of Henry.
The Pain Game
When I'm in pain, the physical kind of pain, the "Sweet Lord Jesus deliver me" kind of pain I like to play a game. It's not really a game, it's just a way to occupy my brain in the depths of that pain. Perspective, if you will. I ask myself, "Would you rather?" as in, "Would you rather be in THIS kind of pain?" and I focus... OR and then I think of a comparable pain I've clearly lived through, and say "Or THAT kind of pain?" and then I remember... And then I decide which pain I prefer. That's the end of the game, but while I'm busy deciding, the pain is subsiding. And that's what I'm thinking of today. (P.S. I'm really okay. I've been having my foot worked on and today was a treatment. The most pain is during treatment. I've lived through it before, and Ibuprofen is a gift from the Lord)
Imposter Syndrome
Maybe it's just me... or maybe you've felt it too. When I get an idea, a wonderful, marvelous idea - it is all the cliches. A lightbulb! A spark! A mind worm I simply can't shake. I feel like a genius! a trail blazer! A friend to Einstein & Tesla & Shakespeare all wrapped into one. But then... When I begin to breathe life into this idea, when it becomes more than just a lightbulb! a spark! Suddenly... my company changes to Larry, Curly, and Moe. I'm a buffoon! an imposter! and surely, someone else can do this better than dumb, unimaginative me. But... This idea! This spark! This mind worm that simply won't shake, wasn't given to just anyone... It was gifted to me, or to you, Yes, you...with your very own wonderful, marvelous idea. And so, What I would like to say, to both you, and also to me, is the same brain that conceived this idea - is the only one who can bring it to life. What are we waiting for? Einstein & Telsa & Shakespeare are gone, but then again, so are Larry, & Curly, and Moe. And haven't we always been told anything worth having is worth working for? SO Go forth you, and go forth me Let's bring our wonderful, marvelous ideas into this world! How do you know what it is? Why, so simple... It's the lightbulb! The spark! It's the thing that's missing that only YOU or I can provide. I know just the thing...don't you?
Bill Murray Day
Some would say today is
Groundhog's Day
But naturally, like anyone
- in the know -
I realize that it is really
Bill Murray Day.
And on Bill Murray Day
I think of Bill Murray,
(naturally)
and how much joy
he's brought to my life -
through laughter, and yes,
even through tears
(comedians are great at drama -
timing you know).
But then I thought,
how sad & funny
that my very good friend,
(Bill Murray)
has no idea we're friends. 😦
He knows not that he has
traveled with me,
through my life -
the uPS and DOwns.
In my own Groundhog Day -
Bill Murray is a townsperson,
moving blithely along,
clueless as to his impact
on my every day life.
(Alright, not every day,
this is just a metaphor)
And then I thought:
I wonder how many other
Bill Murray's there are
(just one, but stay with me)
walking around,
impacting lives,
never knowing they have
a whole - secret world - of fans
cheering them on.
Not super fans, not stalker fans,
just regular folks,
wishing them well.
(I know there are haters of Bill Murray,
but just move on quietly,
this page of verses is not for you).
And then finally I thought,
(who knew Bill Murray
was such a deep topic?)
What if we could tell our friends,
near and f a r,
famous or family,
how much they meant to us?
If you feel you absolutely must,
you may use a separate example
other than Bill Murray
(but I don't know why you would).
Whatever you do,
be sure to tell your Bill Murray
(or equal substitute)
you love them, and that you
wish them a lifetime
of repeated happiness
(in joy, not in a time-loop)
in exchange for the positive impact
they have made on you.
Bill Murray Day should be a day of
gratitude (solemn nod).
I think he would like that,
he might even say,
"So I got that going for me, which is nice."
That sounds like my friend,
(Bill Murray) to me.
The Climb
At the base of the mountain
I gazed upward,
toward the invisible peak -
for it was shrouded in clouds
and a mist of uncertainty.
I gazed upward
at the rocks -
at the difficult path ahead.
I gazed upward,
at the sheer scale & impossibility.
But then -
I felt a nudge from behind -
So gentle, that it was almost
a whisper personified.
"I am with you."
And so,
I took a step. A shaky step.
I reached out my hand to begin the climb,
But paused -
"I'm scared."
The gentle nudge moved me forward -
"I am with you."
I grabbed the earth, I took the step -
I began the climb.
It went well at first,
But then -
I stumbled.
Panic set in and I nearly let go -
But then -
from beside me,
guiding my hand,
a voice so soft it was like
a caress personified.
"I am with you."
And so, I continued the climb,
Making progress,
falling back,
gaining ground,
Feeling scared & brave & accomplished
all at once.
This continued on,
for what seemed like ages.
Until -
One day, the mist enveloped me,
and I passed through it to the other side.
As I reached the top,
I finally experienced the reward
of my life long struggle.
a view so
- magnificent-
that it overwhelmed my senses
and rendered me speechless.
Until.
A voice so familiar, it was like
Love personified.
I gazed upward
toward the source,
My soul shining in recognition.
"Oh! I know you...
You were with me always."
Ashley Raymer-Brown 