Disney’s “Must Do, Re-Do and Don’t Do” Vacation Review

In one month, I’ll be taking my annual family trip to Disney World. I’ve also been seeing a lot of my friends Disney vacation pictures turn up in my news feed.

In anticipation of that, and in celebration of their trips, I wanted to share this entry about a previous trip I took. This is reprinted exactly as originally written, with one small editors note. You’ll know why when you get to the entry.

For those who haven’t been in a while (or at all), on the televisions in the rooms, there is a channel strictly for Disney, where a very perky brunette flits around the park and gives you tips on all the Disney “Must Do’s.” This was my response to her suggestions. A review of all the “Disney Must Do, Re-Do, and Don’t Do!”


epcot 2

Italy World Showcase


The Not-So-Disney
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The Golden Corral Bathroom Cookie War Radio Drama

The Golden Corral was the second stop of the day after wandering aimlessly around the massive expanse of a retail store that is the “Bass Pro Shop.” From one sensory overload to another, it was an afternoon of indulgence that only Southerners know how to partake of.

After feasting on the smorgasbord like Templeton the Rat at the fair, I made the necessary bathroom visit before departing. A few seconds behind me followed a very impressive child screamer of about five years old or younger, and his mother.

(Reminder: This encounter was so impressive, I’m writing a post about it, so don’t stop reading yet.)

I must confess that I stayed in the stall longer than I should have to listen to the outcome. It turned out to be dinner and a show. But more like a Radio Drama, since, you know, I couldn’t see their faces.

Scene: Golden Corral Bathroom

Sobbing child enters, followed by Mother.

Wait….I must edit that. Not sobbing.

Gut wrenching, melodramatic screaming child enters followed by Mother.


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Travel–It’s a Gas!

There are a lot of things that I experienced while on a trip in Atlantic City, New Jersey last year. I had a beautiful ocean view room, enjoyed some time on the beach, good conversation with my Aunt, and finally conquered a long-held fear that the book “Jurassic Park” was too scary for me to read. 

I have a very active imagination, and while in the midst of my eyes devouring a description of a particularly gory scene, I may or may not have entertained a split second conviction that a dinosaur was outside my twelve story hotel window. It wasn’t, but I also may or may not have slept with the light on. I didn’t, but the television may or may not have stayed on while I slept…

It did.

Invisible dinosaur notwithstanding, that was not my most exciting experience or the one I’ll remember the most. The thing I will remember, and without prompting, what the other 100 people I traveled with will recall, was the plane ride home.

As in the case of most disasters, the calm before the storm was misleading. Like the tide rushing back to hug the shore, the cause of the quiet snickering in the rear of the plane bubbled forward. I didn’t realize what all the tittering was about until the wave crashed over the 5th row, where my Aunt and I were seated.

Someone, and that person will be blessedly, and forever unknown, ate something that disagreed with them.

Wait–that feels too polite. They ate something that died right before it was ingested and then that something fought back inside their intestines and escaped through their nether regions as steam heat.
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