Bless Me With Indifference

Betrayal is a heavy stone 
that weighs down the 
pockets of my mind.

It frays the seams, 
and nudges other
more important thoughts
out of my soul. 

It wearies me, worries me
and begs for my attention.
The wounds cut even deeper
when the Betrayer has 
gloated to others about 
the success of their crime.

I pray for relief and for release -
through forgiveness first,
and finally, the blessing of 
Indifference
where pain ceases, 
and peace begins. 


Another moment from the archives of last year. I had a LOT of feelings to work through, and I'm grateful for the time of reflection. 

A Great Man

Which is better? Or should I say - 
Which is worse? 
To befriend a great man, 
and un-appreciate his greatness -
OR
To meet your hero...
and see him fall
- unceremoniously -
off his pedestal? 
Both are shameful, I suppose - 
We are all human -
Great & Good & Weak & Bad.
If only the scales would balance -
and we could recognize the difference
immediately...
what a great deal of misplaced
affection we would avoid. 

Location, Location, Location

Where we are born
is not who we are
But it shapes
who we become.
Whether we embrace
or attempt to escape -
there is no undoing
the circumstance
of birth.
We are plopped on this earth,
exactly where 
we are supposed to land -
in order for us to become,
who we are meant to be.
The reality of location
and the fantasy of aspiration. 

Self-Reflection

It takes courage to self-examine -
and strength to face when 
we were wrong.
This should not be
a foreign feeling - 
it should be our every day norm. 
So much of life is running,
and we never take a step.
Over-stimulate,
stupefy,
whatever it takes,
NOT TO FEEL. 
But victory can be found
when we sit very still
and hold a mirror to our faces
Self-reflection 
leads to self-realization 
and to freedom of self. 

The Very Last Piece

What will you give Him?
What is the thing
you love most in this world?
What is the object, the person, 
the corporation, the "thing?" 
That thing, that MacGuffin, 
that is the last thing 
you have to lay down.

It should be the first, but,
it is usually the last.
Why that thing, you ask?
Because it is the last,
the very last barrier
between your heart and His.

What has He ever given you, 
you ask? 
He has given you Everything -
He has given you Jesus.
He has given you Himself. 

The least we can do in return -
the very least, is give Him
all of us....every last morsel. 
Even that bit we've been 
holding back, saying - 
"Yes - you can have it all...
except "This.""

"This"... is exactly the last
of the currency.
But fear not, for the rate 
of exchange is priceless.

You give Him 
the very last piece 
of your human heart,
and He gives you Eternity.  

Why Do We Write?

Why do take up our 
proverbial pen and write?
Why do we take the time
and make the effort 
to share our thoughts
and feelings and lessons learned?

Perhaps for the same reasons 
that generations before us did.
We are compelled. 

Words spill out of us 
and onto the page, 
liquid puddles of letters
that become words 
that turn into sentences 
that form complex thoughts
and emotions,
that leap from the page
and into the mind of our reader
who is perhaps contemporary,
perhaps generations ahead of us,
but who all say, 
"I understand what you mean." 

Writing is a form of time travel. 
A message from one kindred spirit
to another. 
Between the lines we say,
"I've been here before, 
just as you are here now. 
I survived, and so shall you." 

And our recipient, who may 
not yet even be born, 
closes their eyes and sighs, 
reassured that life will go on.

And that, I think, is why we write.

Slaying Dragons

Why does it seem we must
all slay our own dragons?
There are so many obstacles,
pitfalls, and heartaches 
we could avoid...
if only we learned
from the dragon slayers 
of the past. 
If we allowed their 
experience 
to be our 
experience.
But then, I suppose,
if we never slew 
our own foes, 
we would also never 
come to understand
the meaning of the quest. 

Rewriting History

When one sets about 
              to rewrite history,
the BIGGEST and best 
piece of advice I can share....
is make sure you 
DON'T 
send the new drafts 
to those who lived the events 
with you.
It makes for some 
very awkward glances. 



Thumbing through my poetry journal, this was written exactly one year ago today. A lot of my early work was much more focused on anger and hurt, and was written without editing. It was just whatever I thought in the moment and put on the page, then closed when the thought stopped. 

I'm pleased to share that this particular method of coping has helped me so, so much. Obviously, none of these "poems" rhyme, they are just words arranged on a page in an artistic manner...to help me think through and take what I feel and bring it out of me, and onto the page. 

I never imagined that they would even be intelligible, and I certainly never thought I'd share them, but I've seen a real growth, and I think it's important to share, especially if someone else decides to try it, and it helps them too.

February 9th

What does it really mean
to live by the verse,
"All things work together for good"? 

It means on certain days,
days like today - 
you turn on the projector of your life, 
and you allow it to run - 
clipping along with images of
past people, conversations, & events. 

You relive choices you made,  
paths you didn't take,
for reasons of logic, or fear, or cowardice.
And you reflect. 
You get down in the mire and think
as the projector whirs along,
inanimate & efficient. 

You review it all - the good and the bad.
Your eyes never close, and your head never turns. 
Then the whap, whap, whap
of the last reel let's you know
that you've caught up to "now." 

And you understand. Truly understand.
The mistakes, the victories, the heartbreak, the hope -
all have led you to right here, and right now. 
They have created the essence of you.
The "sadder, but wiser" yet simultaneously,
the "blessed and highly favored" 
version of you. 

You also see the hand of God at work.
The guidance, the gentle nudging,
the course correcting, and protecting.
You have true hindsight, and realize 
you are seeing your past the way 
God sees your entire lifeline. 

We are the sum of our choices,
but God sees where each choice will lead,
and how He can orchestrate it for our good. 
However, like the benevolent parent He is,
good does not always equate happy.
It just means for our benefit. 

And knowing His sovereignty, 
no matter how you muddle the circumstance,
is the best way I've found to live by the verse,
"All things work together for good." 

All Well & Good

It is all well & good to have faith
when the sun shines. 
It's effortless to believe in God's promises 
when Life is your friend. 

But at some point - there will be darkness,
we know not when or how. 
But when it does arrive, for it always arrives, 
that is where faith is truly stretched & tested.

It will be an inaudible whisper, 
tugging at the back of your mind...
"Did God reallllly say...."
The first lie, the oldest lie,
uttered in staggering confidence
by the original gaslighter.

That kind of Darkness loves nothing more
than the company of your mind. 
Your doubts are sweeter than any flower's nectar,
fueling his very life force. 

I am here to remind you, and also me, 
yes, He really did say.

And so, when the voice comes - 
an enchanting whisper in the Darkness, 
Steady your shaky hands, strengthen your resolve.  
Then answer with a bold & self-assured voice: 
 
"It may be Dark right now, but Light is coming.
It is all well & good."

And it is.