The Golden Corral Bathroom Cookie War Radio Drama

The Golden Corral was the second stop of the day after wandering aimlessly around the massive expanse of a retail store that is the “Bass Pro Shop.” From one sensory overload to another, it was an afternoon of indulgence that only Southerners know how to partake of.

After feasting on the smorgasbord like Templeton the Rat at the fair, I made the necessary bathroom visit before departing. A few seconds behind me followed a very impressive child screamer of about five years old or younger, and his mother.

(Reminder: This encounter was so impressive, I’m writing a post about it, so don’t stop reading yet.)

I must confess that I stayed in the stall longer than I should have to listen to the outcome. It turned out to be dinner and a show. But more like a Radio Drama, since, you know, I couldn’t see their faces.

Scene: Golden Corral Bathroom

Sobbing child enters, followed by Mother.

Wait….I must edit that. Not sobbing.

Gut wrenching, melodramatic screaming child enters followed by Mother.


Scene continues

Mother uses the necessary, asks child to wait outside the stall. Child is still screaming impressively.

Mother: Why are you screaming so loud? What can possibly be wrong with you that you are this upset?

Incoherent temper tantrum with more screaming and possible foot stomping…something about a cookie is muttered.

Mother: (Never raises voice) Get in here.

Enters stall and sound of three sound spankings are heard. More sobbing ensues.

Mother: Now, what is your problem that you are so upset? What bad things have happened in your life?

Child: (Now encouraged by spankings to answer Mother) I…sob sob….want….sob…a…..sniffle.….cookie.

Mother: Why do you want a cookie?

Child: (Melodramatic pauses) Because…..I’m…..SOOOOO….hungry.

Mother: What makes you think I’m going to give you a cookie? If you’re that hungry, you don’t need a cookie, you need real food. And what good have you done that makes you think you deserve a cookie? Did you eat everything on your plate?

Child: (Warily) Yes…..

Mother: No, you didn’t. You’re not getting a cookie. This kind of behavior does NOT get you a cookie. Why should I give you a cookie when you are acting like this? Now, what are you going to do when we leave here? Are you going to sit quietly and eat the rest of your food?

Child: (Who has completely stopped crying by now) Yes.

Mother: Because if you’re not going to, we can just stay in here, but if you’re going to eat your food, we can leave.

Child: I’ll eat my food.

Child, who is now recovered, agrees to these terms and they exit the stall, wash hands, and exit the bathroom.

End Scene

I too exit, having never seen their faces, but so encouraged by the mothering tactics of this woman that I must share it with the world. She contained a very impressively vocal young child with discipline and with reasoning so that the child knew WHY they were being spanked (not obeying his mother) and WHY that behavior would not merit him what he wanted. He left calmed and agreeable. She never raised her voice, and she didn’t abuse the spanking. Very impressive.

Thus ends the Golden Corral Bathroom Cookie War Radio Drama.


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